big dilemma how to discipline children

The big dilemma - how to discipline children without turning into Homer

Simpson

From Yummy London Mummy:

The most sucky thing about being on holiday is that children go wild.

Or at least, this appears to be the case with my children (no offense

but hopefully yours do too, if so then I won't feel such a big fat

parental failure).

The root of the problem seems to be the Small(er) One suddenly

discovering the joys of insomnia. Which, oddly, seems to affect her

very little in terms of energy and good cheer during the day (she's

been bad-tempered as well but this is quite normal - she's a fiery

small thing).

But the big problem is Firstborn, who, just like me, finds it hard to

operate on three broken hours of sleep, and, just like me, it makes

her grumpy, cranky and desperate to take offence at every small and/or

imagined thing.

The squabbles and cat fights are driving me nuts. I had to pull them

apart yesterday, two crazy bundles of rage, spitting and biting and

flailing limbs - and all over which one got the pink plate.

In between the fights and name calling ("you're a poo poo" "you smell

of wee" "you're la fruitcake" "you're a tomato" "No, YOU'RE a tomato"

"you're not my friend" "you're not MY friend" etc) the normal mode is

defiance.

Every request, even a reasonable one, is met with a "NO!", plus

mutinous facial expression. All food is "yuck!" unless it is

chocolate, ice-cream or plain pasta (a sprinkling of cheese is just

about tolerated). The suggestion of bathtime is met with a dive under

the table and a screamed refusal to come out. Holding hands in the

street is tantamount to an especially vicious form of

parentally-inflicted torture. Getting dressed is a minefield ("No! Not

that dress! I want ! ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!").

All the usual parental fail-safes have failed - Time Out, the raised

eyebrow, a stiff talking to, removal of treats and toys placed in the

naughty box - all met with the same defiance ("Put me in time out

then, I don't care" "Don't want treats anyway" "Don't like dolly,

don't care if she stays in the naughty box forever!" "You smell of poo

Mummy and you're the worsest, meanest Mummy in the whole wide world!"

and "Not listening" with fingers in ears, etc.)

I even had to resort to a mild spanking. (Not a beating, I hasten to

add, as such is the British nanny state I fear any confession of

Laying A Hand On My Child, mild or otherwise, will have me spirited

away to Bad Parent Camp for intensive classes in how to tolerate your

child's bad behaviour, smile sweetly, sigh gently, excuse said bad

behaviour with many lame excuses but fail to chastise in any shape or

form- thus preparing for it to grow into a Veritable Menace To

Society. Anyway, the spank took place on Italian soil where I believe

common sense still prevails so I think I am legally in the clear).

Whatever. The spank didn't work either.

I am at the end of my tether. Any suggestions gratefully received.