old man warns local children to keep

Old Man Warns Local Children to Keep Out of Yard, Shakes Fist

Menacingly.....

Green River, WY-After verbal warnings, parent notifications, police

reports, and the placement of a perimeter fence were ultimately

unsuccessful at detering neighborhood children from entering his yard,

Green River native Werp Fishbein announced at today's neighborhood

council meeting that he has no other choice but to take drastic

measures.

"It's about time this nonsense comes to an end," Fishbein explained as

he unrolled razor wire. "Any incursions into my land will be taken as

an act of aggression and will be dealth with swiftly and harshly."

Local children are not impressed with Fishbein's escalation in tactics

to prevent their use of his front yard for activities ranging from

digging for dinosaur bones and buried treasure to racing bikes and

go-carts. 9-year-old Timmy Pritchard revealed that "I don't care what

that old man says. He's got the biggest yard in the neighborhood and

some sweet hills too. I can get like 10 feet in the air on my bike.

Really!"

After the razor wire, and the perimeter tar pit, the children will

need to navigate a pretty heavy placement of anti-personnel landmines.

Fishbein has also hired a Columbian paramilitary force, which he will

pay based on the number of kills, to man a lengthy series of

machine-gun nests and concrete bunkers. If the kids do manage to

penetrate beyond this point, Fishbein has placed a number of motion

sensitive sensors that, if activated, will set off a self-destruct

mechanism resulting in the detonation of a 10 megaton explosive

device. As a last resort, he has added a new underground sprinkler

system that he will turn on.